I got the results of my PET scan this week. It was not good news. It looks like the tumors have spread and blood work did not look good as well. I have to admit I am more tired than I have let myself think that I am. My kind sweet oncologist told me to prepare my family. I have lived much longer than anticipated. I let my family know. I have been feeling at peace finally with this news. This morning I was looking at my sad dried up indoor basil and mint plants. I thought how tired I am of trying to keep things alive, including myself. Then I went to the wellness institute this morning.......
I mentioned to one of the therapists that my disease had progressed while doing the wellness program. When I went to see the doctor I could tell he already knew about things and I didn't have to tell him. I see him in a large room where other patients are doing Oxygen therapy and waiting to see him. He told me we were going to chat and then go to his private office. (The therapist had apparently filled him in.) He then ushered me away with many patients waiting to see him. I think I was in his office for at least 20 minutes. I knew others were waiting for him. He said I am in crisis and need to change my focus. He said the switch to healing had been turned off but it can just as easily be turned back on. He wants to see me come in next week with a smile on my face. He has always said I need a purpose to live and the purpose can't be for me. His purpose for me (which I loved and want to be my purpose for me) is this: That I eventually want to leave my grandchildren with a legacy of "Victory and Freedom", rather than, "grandma got sick and died". I would love nothing more than to see their prayers for me answered! I guess I need to gird up my loins, eat my avocados, refocus and try harder. I asked, "but what if it is just my time to go"? He kind of scoffed at that and said he did not believe that God EVER intended for us to die from disease. He believes Jesus paid for our illnesses already, and of course I believe that as well but I never thought of it that way. He believes it takes a random act or old age for us to die at our appointed time. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that but, ok, I won't give up just yet. He reached out and held my hands and prayed for me. To VICTORY and FREEDOM!!!!!
