The Right Road

This last incident has convinced me that I will never do chemo again.  I can not tell you how happy that makes me.  I will never have to have those side effects again, well, except for the permanent damage of neuropathy. I will never have to watch poison drip into my body again.  I will never have to fight chemo sores in my mouth again or feel the yucky feeling in my throat one chemo gave me or wear winter gloves to reach into the fridge, or wear and sleep with the chemo pump for 46 hrs straight that delivers a wicked poison to your body, or fight the fatigue or the nausea or watch my hair fall out......

 I really feel that if it was my time to go I would have gone when all this happened.  The question is why did I feel peace when I prayed about doing this last heavier chemo the first part of August? Maybe this was supposed to happen ????? Maybe there was a reason several people at the oncology clinic missed that I was on a downward decline to DKA ?????  In the end too much chemo will kill you.  Most people know that.  Chemo kills off the worker bees but it does not kill off the queen bee..  She (a cancer stem cell herself) gets angry and makes more cancer stem cells when her worker bees are killed off.  Eventually the chemo no longer works and the effects are deadly.   While I was in the hospital we consulted with a wonderful Hospice Doctor.  I asked her what is the difference between dying from chemo and dying from cancer.  Other than the pain people suffer from cancer (I have no pain still) dying from cancer sounds preferable.

 I am still not sure what the Lord's plan is for me.  He makes us learn and walk by faith one step at a time.  Personal revelation is definitely incremental. I still think that I could be that one per-center.  I am not a quitter and I still have some fight in me.   Did this happen because I was on the wrong road and I was supposed to change course???  Because this happened I have definitely changed roads.  I will see an alternative Dr.  tomorrow.  I'm still not sure if that is the road I will take but I believe having possibly taken the wrong road this time will help myself and my family know more absolutely that I am now headed for the right road.

If your device shows the video at the top of this post,  watching it will hopefully help you understand  more clearly what I have posted.

I'm Back!

I'm back and I am gaining strength every day.  I truly believe that I am as strong and alive as I am due to all of you and your faith, fasting, and prayers!  I can never thank you all enough!  We are all so very grateful!   Thank you!!!!!

Our insurance covers home heath care.  That provides me with a two day a week in home Physical Therapy  I really like the Physical Therapist that is coming.  He gave me a list of exercises and said to do them on quiet days.  The days I am able to get out of the house with Dell and do a few things is preferable so I don't have to do the exercises if I do more some days.  I love that!  I mentioned church to him one day.  He said "then you're a believer?"  I said, "absolutely!"  He asked, "Do you mind if I pray for you?"  I said, "I'll take all the prayers I can get."  I wasn't sure if he meant now or later.  He then knelt down on one knee and offered the most beautiful prayer in my behalf.  It was wonderful.

A couple of months ago the TV was on.  I wasn't really watching it so all I heard was Clint Eastwood say, "Heck dyin' is easy, it's livin' that's hard."  I think he may be on to something there.

General Hospital

Adrienne, here, to give you an update on my Mom.  Before you get nervous, she's doing well, but she has asked me to post on her blog, for reasons which will all be apparent soon.

These last rounds of chemo have been very rough on my mom.  Her energy has been zapped and she has been nauseated more than usual, among other things.  I went up to visit with my family with some outings planned, and she was determined to go with us to the zoo to see the dolphins.  We pushed her around in a wheelchair since she has hard a hard time walking even a little, and she had not been steady on her feet.  We were all hoping that the chemo's effects would wear off and she'd be back to normal soon.

The next day she couldn't even get out of bed, her breathing was labored and difficult, and she needed my dad to lift her up just to take a drink of water.  I thought that maybe we had worn her out the day before, but it seemed odd that she was so much worse instead of getting better.  She stayed in bed all day, mostly sleeping, and we had to leave that evening, a little worried but hoping it was just the chemo's effects.

On the way home, I emailed my siblings about how Mom was doing at my dad's request, and I ended up texting back and forth with Jessica, and we thought that maybe my mom was dehydrated and needed to get an IV at the hospital.  I texted my dad, who called an ambulance that night to get her to the hospital.

When they got to the hospital, the doctor quickly gave a diagnosis of Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA), which occurs when the body can't produce insulin, and they found that her blood sugar was almost at 400, despite her hardly being able to eat anything.  She was admitted to the ICU.  They needed to give her insulin but couldn't because she had low potassium, and that needed to be fixed first.  These were life-threatening conditions, but we were glad she was getting the help she needed.

We had been planning a family fast for last Sunday already, and as many of you know, Jessica posted a request on FaceBook for fasting and prayers from friends and family for my mom.  There was such a great outpouring of love and support from so many people that we were overwhelmed with gratitude.  She also was given a priesthood blessing while in the hospital from a friend's husband, and he blessed her that she would be able to resume the things she enjoys and that she and my dad are being watched over by our Father in Heaven.

My mom has been making steady progress to get back to her old self and regain some strength.  She had a CAT scan to make sure there wasn't any brain damage from the DKA, and my dad said they couldn't find a brain!  Ha!  Thankfully, there was no damage, which we were worried about because she had experienced a little memory loss.  The doctors are still trying to balance her insulin levels, electrolytes, etc., but she is doing extremely well and she should be going home from the hospital in a day or two.

We know that the Lord heard our petitions, and it is through His mercy and love that everything is all right.  We are grateful for our parents and the time we have with them and that my mom has been sustained so long.  (It has been almost two years since her diagnosis!)  We hope to have many more years with her!