lovin it

Stacy and Adrienne are here spending the week with me.  I"m loving it.

Living

This is a process,  I realize that now.  Through the last few months I have gone through a myriad of emotions.  Back and forth and back and forth.  There was a period of time when I kept falling into slumps of thinking about dying.  I would think about it way too much and about leaving my loved ones behind and breaking their hearts. I somehow felt I needed to "prepare" them.  Worrying about how Dell could get rid of all the "stuff" in the house and various assundry other issues that it did me no good at all to worry about.  Then one day a dear friend said these words to me.  "Now is not the time to worry about that.  If it ever gets to that point, then that will be the time.  Now is the time to think about living. "  Those words made all the difference to me.  From that day on I have only thought about living and healing and moving forward.  Thank you my dear friend,  Barb.  Sometimes it is just how it is said.

Two in a Row

Second week for church.  Not my best feeling Sunday but I made it.  I loved seeing so many of you and loved your hugs and well wishes.  Thank you!  I hope I did not seem rude to anyone I was just extremely tired.  It was great to be there.  All my love, Barbara

A Little More Progress

Looks like my cancer antigen numbers are down from the last count at 163 to 140.  Normal is about 1-50 so we are still not perfect in that area but the numbers are coming down!

The Windows of Heaven

As you know, on November 20th we received  some very unwelcome news.  We were at the University of Illinois Medical center.  They give you the news and then send you home.  The drive home was very hard, especially since we knew telling our children came next and that might be the hardest thing we had ever done.  It was hard.  Those phone calls were rough and tears more than flowed.  I sobbed as Dell passed on the news.  Days and weeks and months later came the fasting, blessings, prayers and love by so so many.  Thank you again to all of you.

At the beginning of December I had my first Pet Scan.  It is sort of like an MRI except they inject you with radioactive glucose.  You sit for an hour letting it get into the system before the scan.  Glucose goes directly to the tumors because they feed on sugar.  The radioactive glucose lights up the tumor sort of like a Christmas tree with little dots of light showing exactly where the tumor is.  Yesterday the Doctor showed us the Pet scan from December and the pancreas was definitely lit up as was the liver.  Next he scrolled down to the Pet scan I had on Monday.  We could see nothing lit up.  Nothing.  We take this as a miracle.  I will continue treatments until the end of May and then there will be another PET scan and they will assess whether or not surgery.  We feel so very blessed at this point and are so grateful for all of you who care and pray for us and love us.  Thank you again!!!!
With love,  Barbara

Yum

Pet Scan day.  Dietary restrictions.  Broccoli and Cottage Cheese for breakfast. YUM  Water the rest of the day YUM :(

I'm A Happy Camper

I made it to church today.  It was exhausting getting ready and getting there but I felt good.  I was worried about the emotional aspect of it but it was so good to be there.  Good to see the people, many of them, YOU, people.  It felt comfortable and familiar and just plain good.  It was longer than usual and by the end I sort of just wanted to lay down and take a nap  :) but I was glad I was there.   It broke another barrier for me and I will be back on the Sundays I feel well enough.

No One Fights Alone

Thank you to my wonderful children and grandchildren who participated in the REX-E-LEE-RUN at BYU yesterday in my behalf.  Those who were back here in Illinois had our hearts knit with theirs as they ran for me.  Thank you to you all.  We love you and appreciate your love and sacrifice.  Truly I am certainly not fighting alone and I am so grateful for that!

My sister Janice left today.  It is always to heart wrenching for me to see my loved ones go back home.  Thank you Janice for the great week.  We accomplished a lot and broke some of my barriers.

Always So Blessed

My sweet son has gone home to his darling family.  It brings me such comfort to have had those I love so deeply come and stay and lift my spirits.  My dear sister Janice is here this week since Dell is out of town again for a few days. We had a great day yesterday.  She convinced me that I could eat out at Chick Fil A.  Since I can't have fat due to the gall bladder not being able to come out yet it is hard to find things to eat.  I have lost 50 lbs since last summer when I first started dieting and then my eating had to be Dr. controlled with no fat.  I have only eaten out a couple of times and it has been a bit stressful for me.  Yesterday was the exception.  I had a salad and it was delicious.  It was a good day.  My sister will go to to chemo with me tomorrow on her birthday. What a great way to spend your birthday.  Thank you Janice.   This will be the first time Dell has missed chemo with me.

While Dell was on his way to Wisconsin on Monday he was nearly in a traffic accident.  The traffic in front of him stopped and the cars behind him were hit.  He thought they would ricochet into him.  He was so blessed that none of the cars hit him.  We are so very grateful for his safety and answers to prayers.  So many blessings.